Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
