the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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