he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
