wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I met the friendliest cop last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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