I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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