I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
