In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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