quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
