Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
