I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
