I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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