I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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