Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
