i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm too high and old for this...
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