Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
