In the future we'll all be gay
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
