oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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