hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
so much tequila, so little girl.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
