I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
