Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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