so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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