Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
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You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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