you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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