i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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