sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
