At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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