like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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