So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
