and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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