Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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