im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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