her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
