6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
