....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dignity is for republicans.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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