I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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