naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
