note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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