Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
