Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
