if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
