I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
