Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
