The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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