No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
