Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
