I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
