I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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