i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
