i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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