I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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