don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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