You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
