if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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