This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
