Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
