Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
