The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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