Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
