Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
