you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
