allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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