I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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