im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
