My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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