my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
