Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
