What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
