Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
