I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
