I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
