My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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