I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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