So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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