Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
