This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
