Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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