We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
