Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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