I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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