So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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